I had coffee with a girlfriend last week who is always super keen to jump right into the deep end of the pool on our conversations.
We don't see each other often so when we do we 'go there' right from the first minute and I love it.
Straight up she said she needed to pick my brains 'about this freedom thing' because, in her words 'I'm not feeling very free right now.' (She also nudged me to write about our conversation because we both whole heartedly agreed that we know we're not the only ones feeling like we do at times.)
She was super honest and courageous in describing how trapped and caged she is feeling by all things Motherhood/Wife right now.
She told me how being there making it all happen for everyone else in her family was making her feel disconnected from herself, grumpy, resentful and short with her kids.
I know I can.
This has nothing to do with wishing away the presence of our kids or regretting our motherhood. We are deeply aware of the privilege of our motherhood and grateful for everything the mother love teaches us.
Namely how much our hearts can hold!
This has everything to do with being brave enough to say it's not all gorgeous sun shiny easy magic everyday.
Love is hard. Family life is hard.
I think the toughest bit though is feeling like your wings have been clipped. Feeling like you're stuck in Groundhog Day is enough to drive anyone a bit mad.
Speaking honestly about how un-fun and how un-free it feels to feel caged at times is also super hard.
It's not a conversation we have with everyone.
The thing that struck me most about what my friend was so bravely sharing is that I know for sure so many of us share her feelings at times.
It makes me question why there is such a culture of shame about admitting that motherhood, family life and if we're getting honest, marriage is hard work?
Picking up socks, making (endless) meals, cleaning bathrooms, hustling on homework, sorting out sibling fights, taxi driving from activity to activity is all very often so far from the dream we thought our lives would be.
I recently heard Glennon Doyle Melton (author of Love Warrior) say "we are brought up in a culture that teaches us that getting married is the finish line. Get married and live happily ever after when in fact marriage is the start line."
It's not hard to feel resentment when we feel like our 'us' is getting lost in the 'making shit happen' for everyone around us. We so often compromise our own dreams, desires, passions and interests to wash the sheets, get to soccer training, get hubby away on his next trip and make sure the kids are sorted for camp.
So how do we find anything that remotely feels like freedom in all that?
For me that has come with being supremely tuned into exactly what makes me feel good. Danielle
LaPorte opened the door and shed the light on getting to grips with my core desired feelings and I silently thank her for that gift every day.
Freedom is one of those core feelings for me. I would go so far to say it's my primary core desired feeling. I know what I need to do to 'right my ship' when I am sliding into funky town thanks to knowing how I want to feel.
I know that moving my bones will always make me feel better so I take myself to the beach and walk. I know that hitting my yoga mat will always bring me back to centre. I know that connecting with a gal pal who lets me show up (warts and all) and makes me feel heard will always be a balm to my soul.
I also know that having the time freedom to do those things is essential for how I roll. I am grateful everyday for my freedom based business that gives me choices. I love to connect with those beautiful freedom seeking souls that I am in business with because we are all seeking our version of freedom to simply do more of what we love.
I am also so very grateful for this conversation last week. It reminded me that there are people wanting to keep this conversation about freedom alive. It reminded me that feeling freedom matters to people and that we tend to go a bit bonkers when there is an absence of it in our lives. It reminded me that it means different things to different people and that's perfect.
Over to you...
Can you relate? When do you feel caged or trapped? Can you voice how you truly feel? What are your 'go to' actions for feeling less caged by all things motherhood/wife and tapping into what makes you feel like you are still you?
Drop a line in the comments and if this has resonated for you, please feel free to share with someone else you know who might be feeling the same. We're all in this together!
"What I now know to be true is that the key to creating freedom is accessing choice and the way to create more choices is to have more of the resources that allow choice, namely time and money."